Understanding Our Worthiness
Why is it so hard to love ourselves unconditionally? Our worthiness is an innate quality in our humanity, yet we seek for it in places that have nothing to do with our true self.
Most of us are looking for self-love in all the wrong places. We have been trained since a young age to see ourselves through the eyes of others. Thus, our focus has become to please others to shape their opinions of us.
Another way in which we separate ourselves from our worthiness is by comparing ourselves to others and measuring ourselves against qualities and characteristics that are foreign to our nature. We have been guided by our parents, peers, and well-meaning significant others to see worthiness in others before seeing it in ourselves. There's nothing wrong with seeing worthiness in others, the problem is when we use this as a barometer to judge ourselves.
Our worthiness cannot be measured, nor compared, it cannot be viewed in terms of quantity nor quality. Worthiness is a gift we need not toil, prove, nor work for it. It's ingrained in our nature from the moment we arrive in this life experience. Nobody can or will give it to us because it's ours to recognize, appreciate and experience.
Our worthiness is recognized when we are in alignment with our true self, it could never be identified while looking outside our own self. Looking for other people's opinions or even looking at other people's accomplishments and comparing them to ours brings us further away from aligning with our own.
Depending on other's recognition of our value can be a roller coaster ride. The way others see us have nothing to do with us, but with their interpretation of us, which in turn has everything to do with themselves. Do we want to give the power of aligning with our worthiness to others? Our true worthiness is finding our own alignment with our Inner-self, the Inner that loves us unconditionally, the Inner self that sees us in our best version no matter what the circumstances.
Newly born are the closest to their true self because their self appreciation has not been affected by the world around them thus they are able to express their needs and demand that they are fulfilled. As we grow up we are conditioned to put others needs in front of our own, our well -meaning parents teach us to please their demands and condition us to be what they think is the best version of ourselves. This conditioning is reinforced through the school system and our peers as well. As we grow up we develop certain self preserving mechanisms which help us keep our true identity, we learn to shut off from society and well-meaning adults. We learn to ignore other peoples demands of us, we try to escape in different ways through hobbies, creativity and/or even drugs. Certainly, some escapes are more efficient than others. This topic is something I will expand in another article for now let's focus on how to clarify our perception of self-worth.
Letting go of judgmental thoughts is an effective way to begin acknowledging our self- worth. We all are accustomed to judging, we judge others, and we judge ourselves. By letting go of judgmental beliefs we are letting go of a tremendous burden. This involves having no preconceived ideas of how others should or shouldn't behave, look or respond to our requests or opinions. Maintaining an open mind and respecting others way of being is tremendously liberating. It requires practice and repetition. The more we practice the better we are going to be at it, to the point that it will become second nature. As we learn to see the benefits of our new way of looking at others, as well as ourselves, the feeling of well-being will take
over us and will reinforce itself.
As we are able to see others and our selves in this new light we will learn to discover unconditional appreciation for who we are, no matter the circumstances and most importantly no matter what other's opinions are.
Practice seeing yourself as worthy of the person you wish to be, like an actor practices the role he or she is about to play and immerses into the character with body and soul. Start seeing yourself as that version of you and feel how accomplished and joyful you become instantly. This is feeling can be achieved within you first and then it will be manifested in your physical world, making your ability to experience well-being and joy unconditional. The circumstances are still the same but you have changed the way you feel. By it being a reality within you the circumstances will appear as long as you stay steady in your sentiment and do not give into doubt.
Here are some simple ways in which we can "soothe" ourselves on an everyday basis:
Repeating to yourself: "All is well with me",
"I am who I am at the moment, and I am satisfied in knowing that I am always becoming the best version of myself",
"I need not worry about others nor myself as all is right",
" All I need to be happy is within me".
Learning to soothe ourselves is a great tool, find the words that help you feel peace from within and as you do, repeat them to yourself often and sincerely.
Try observing situations without any opinions, more like a spectator trying to find the humor and the positive side. Right or wrong are human made concepts, they are adapted to each person's experiences and expectations of others. The less you think in these terms the easier it's to let go of judgments.
Remember that other people's opinions are based on their own experiences in life which helps them shape their perception. When you are aware of this it helps you let go of the need to seek their approval with love and understanding. Look at yourself from within, through the eyes of your inner self who sees you as the human being you are becoming and that you wish to become. The more you seek for answers within you, the less need you will have to search for answers outside of your true guidance. This habit will lead you to true alignment and thus to the path of happiness and sustained joy.
Meditation will help to clear your mind from overthinking and will allow more clarity within you. Make it a regular morning practice and connect with your inner being from the start of your day.
Chose to do one thing for yourself every day. No matter how small or trivial. Try to practice self-love by dedicating an action to yourself, even if it's simple like taking a walk in a place you love.
Get a journal and write in it every morning a list of aspects you appreciate about yourself. You can start your sentences by saying " I so appreciate my ability to......." or "I appreciate the way I..." The more you practice this the more aspects you will find you love about yourself.
Next time somebody treats you negatively or criticizes you, be conscious of the true source of that comment. Recognize
it's coming from the other person's misalignment within themselves. I like to build an imaginary crystal dome around me and visualize the person's anger or misaligned comments bouncing from the dome and falling on the floor as they disappear. We must make it a priority to protect our own alignment. When we achieve alignment no matter what the circumstances are around us, we achieve unconditional worthiness. Our true power is based on our ability to stay connected to our worthiness.
A simple question can let you know the level of your vibration: What do I think I deserve? The answer is your check point.
We can achieve and do anything, when we see ourselves as worthy and deserving of all that we wish.